yoda was a sage, people came to him all the time for advice!

June 2009

yeah, i’m never the go to girl for 1:1 talks. its never really been that way. i’m the gatherer. i round people up and get them to go do things, and laugh and flit from person to person (think deb/jenna’s birthday parties) but i’m never the person who pulls one person aside to go talk at the party. i’m too busy making a fool of myself and having fun. oh the life of an extrovert. i get so caught up in the group, that i can’t see the individuals really. i’m fine at making 1:1 dates with people, but i usually have to initiate them and be intentional. I like mentoring, but people rarely call me “just to talk” or for advice. i wonder what about my personality makes this happen. this past year i have become VERY self aware, of my strengths in ministry, as well as my weaknesses. this is one of them! i think though, it makes sense. if i am surface level, with many people, why would they want to have long talks, or to trust me?

so whenever someone DOES approach me, i get so excited inside because all i want to do is pour into students and be a listening ear. i think i’m going to see if i can read some books this summer about mentoring/counseling and such. not to force myself to change, but to see how i can be more gentle or more thoughtful, so that i would be approachable. yes, i think thats it, i’m just not that approachable. i’m intense and intimidating.

look what i wrote a whole year ago, in august 2008:

i find myself loving the giant friend thing, wanting to bounce from person to person and really care about them, be the ambassador type, shake hands, that thing. and yet, desiring to be able to pull away from it and just talk with one person. and part of me wants to be the person that people run to to talk. i notice though, that during events, maybe its because i’m running around, but people dont seem to float on up to me much. and you know, part of me is fine with that because i love just cultivating the fellowship for everyone else. but i’m also pretty jealous. is it that i don’t feel important? WOW that seems strange, since i’m IN CHARGE. but i would love to be important on a much different level. or is that a power trip? i want to be IN people’s lives and love them and listen and feel needed in that way. is that just not who i am? this year is going to be different, and who knows what God will bring into my life. But i want to pray hard, and know for sure.