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hello hurricane November 15, 2009

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so this coming up week is going to be one of those weeks. one of those weeks where every day is super calculated out. and any spare time is going to be spent sleeping. and the time awake is going to be spent complaining about how tired i am. and the whole week i will spend running my schedule over and over and over in my head. one of those weeks where things that aren’t happening for DAYS are making me exhausted just thinking about it. and i will ABSOLUTELY LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT. (even the ones where i’m complaining)

are you pumped?! if you are a stalker, well now you get to see where i’m at all week. hopefully no stalkers read my blog. “go away stalkers!”

monday: pack, plan for trip. 1p-9:30p work at sbux, go to sleep as soon as i get home!

tuesday: wake up at 5am! gaah! 6a-1:30p work at sbux. 2:30p meet Loren, drive to Millersville, Pennsylvania. dinner, doors @ 6pm Anberlin concert at MU. sleep over tackalack’s house.

wednesday: wake up (!) drive back to NJ. nap time??? large group @ 8pm. go to sleep as soon as I get home!

thursday: wake up at 6 (!) 7a-3:30p work at sbux. mentoring at 4p & 7p? go to sleep as soon as I get home!

friday: wake up at 4am (!) 5a-1:30p work at sbux. 2pm lunch interview meeting with greg and cathy. pack, quick nap? 6pm Central youth group ALL NIGHTER.

ALL NIGHT.

saturday: 8am, kids go home. 1p-9:30p work at sbux. CRASH

sunday: church.

average sleep each night: 5.3 hours

 

rock on.

wowzas! November 11, 2009

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how amazing. what a great large group, people sharing their testimonies of what God has done in their lives.

here are a FEW of the many things people wrote down about how God has changed them in the last year. so cool!

the vision: students and faculty transformed, campuses renewed, world changers developed.

students and faculty being transformed! check!

 

God gave me this new heart- one that is filled with his love.

Bigger dreams that include Him.

It wasn’t until this past year that I have felt Him impact my life.

God has healed my back.

God has brought me to intervarsity! :-) He has taught me not to judge people. He has shown me that I have leadership qualities.

God has helped me manage anger and stress more.

In the last year God has showed me the standards to which I need to have for a romantic relationship.

Delivered me out of depression.

God has taught me that he values obedience as much as zeal.

He showed me that I was looking for happiness in all the wrong places.

He has really inspired me to break out of my comfort zone and do things that I had never done before.

 

adventures of the week November 6, 2009

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this week has been terrific!

monday: just worked, hillary visited!

tuesday: interview in somerset! then work

wednesday: new york city with IV people! large group @ Rider

thursday: work, mentoring, large group @ TCNJ, applebees!

friday: nicey/mdon lunch! freelance, work

 

a full, adventurous, totally NOT boring week! also in there, I am sick. bleh! feeling perdy crappy, but doing everything anyway, haha.

 

 

let the journey continue! November 2, 2009

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so, I made a decision earlier this weekend. and something dawned on me this morning. i really do have a peace about my decision. why? welp, i thought about how there is an example in the Bible where a dad has a miracle baby. (its a miracle because they had tried and tried, and the couple were now too old) So as the son is growing, God promises the Dad that he would have tons of descendants. Then, God throws him for a loop and asks him to sacrifice his son’s life! Talk about confusion here; the God who promised that he’d have a long lineage, is going to end the life of the only son? What’s that all about God? But he was obedient, and took his son up to a moutain. As he was about to sacrifice his son, God stops him. Phew! But why, again? Because God just wanted the dad to trust him. His promise was still valid, but he wanted the dad to be obedient and trust him.

And so in our lives, God may call us to give something up, or to be open to an option that tends to not make any sense. Or do something that we don’t want to do. But just because he asks us to be willing to sacrifice, give up, or ignore our logic, doesn’t actually mean he wants it to happen. He just wants our hearts to be willing. How will we know if we are truly willing unless the decisions come up?

This is how I am feeling right now. I was willing to do either of the options. I was willing to do something I didn’t really want to do, for however long I needed to do it. But just because I was willing didn’t mean it was what I actually had to do. In fact, I think because I was willing to pick the one choice, showed that I was ready for the other choice.

Let the journey continue!

baseball. its kind of like religion. October 29, 2009

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baseball. its kind of like religion. and its kind of more like religion than religion is. i’ll explain.

now that the yankees and the phillies are in the world series, its been really interesting here in Central New Jersey (yes it does exist). As I walked my dog this morning, there were signs in windows, “go phillies!” At work, everyone talked about it. Two brothers came in, one wearing a phillies jersey, the other wearing a yankees jersey.

I find it interesting, that my parents spent last night clapping and whooping and hollering in delight at a band of grown men in tight pants swinging sticks at balls. (nothing against baseball) they clapped and clapped and their hearts were captured by every pitch, every swing, every catch. and yet, its just some guys, getting paid WAY too much, to play a game. How come my parents, when confronted with faith, pale and become quiet? Why doesn’t the fact that Jesus came to bring life (eternal life!) and a chance to be with the God who created everything, who created them, loves us with an unending passion– bring that sort of joy, instead a sour face and listless, “well that’s good for you”? Why?

Why is it that baseball brings out people’s allegiances, the way ash wednesday does? (on ash wednesday, you find out who all the religious people are, because their foreheads are marked with an ash cross, if they were religious enough to go church that day). Suddenly, you see who the Phillies and Yankees fans are, because they wear the jerseys, and earrings, and all sorts of fan gear. They hang up posters in their windows so everyone knows who they support, who they believe in, to win the games, who they feel to be superior to all others.

And somehow, everyone’s okay with that! Sure, there’s friendly rivalry, and some people might get a little annoying with their fanaticism, but at the end of the day, both teams’ fans are respected by the others’. Two brothers can stand in line together for coffee with opposing jerseys on, and can still get along. You can say you’re a fan, and no one turns you away, or says you’re weird, or asks you to stop pushing their team on you. No one finds it offensive that you voice your opinion of your favorite team from your window or shopfront or with what you wear. No one asks you to take down the posters or stop wearing the jerseys or take the sticker off your car because it bothers them.

What if religion was like that? What if everyone was so jovial about faith in God? What if Christians wore their faith on their shirts and had it on the tips of their tongues? What if God was the topic at the coffee shop, at the checkout counter, and the bank? What if people were actively engaged in their faith, so that they could easily say, “so how bout church on sunday?” instead of “so how bout that game last night?” What if families spent their nights together reading and learning about how exciting God was? What if we cheered like we do at sports, about what God was doing in the world?

“People in Philly, it seems like it doesn’t matter if sports fans or not, they know what’s going on,”

“POWER AND GLORY” trumpeted the front page headline in the Philadelphia Inquirer.

And why can’t Christians have as much confidence, knowing that victory is already won? The Phillies fans do:

“it seemed like overconfident fans were already planning a victory parade.”

Well I can tell you one thing; it wouldn’t go over well. The Christians would be told to shove it, to shut up, to stop “pushing their Bible in people’s faces”. And so yeah, I don’t wonder why people don’t cheer like at sporting events, or bring up God like the weather in public places.

Because faith is “personal”. Therefore we shouldn’t bring it up, unless we are sure that the people around us believe it too. Is that logical?? A Phillies fan, who eats, sleeps, and breathes the team, only has that on his mind the day after a great game. It comes up naturally, bubbling out of him, because he can’t help but be excited and proud of “his” team. In the same way, a Christian eats, sleeps and breathes faith, because its his identity. Its all of who he is, and so naturally, the things God’s doing in his life, the things he’s learning, should bubble up. Yet that is seen as being a fanatic, or a bible thumper, or just plain old offensive. What if I went up to a Yankees fan and said, “please stop talking to me about the Yankees, because I don’t believe they should win the world series”. No, that would be ridiculous. Maybe I really don’t think the yankees stand a chance, but i’m not going to make the other person shut up or leave me alone. I’ll politely listen to their reasons, or their apologies for the players who didn’t do as well as they should have, and that will be that.

 

i just think its odd how pointless little things in life, and not just baseball, are totally okay to flaunt. and yet faith, which should be the most important thing to us since it drives our being, it relates to our creator, and how we function in our daily lives, is totally taboo.

 

so, hey religion, i wish you were more like baseball. baseball is exciting, it unites people, and its a topic that everyone seems to enjoy talking about, even if they aren’t a really big fan.

and hey baseball, i wish you would be less like a religion. stop consuming so much time and energy from people.

and hey God, show some more people how great You are, how captivating You are, and how much we need You.

 

overcome all October 27, 2009

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so, i could die tomorrow, why wait?

two nights ago i had a dream that i worked at a candy factory, and i spent the entire night going up and down the isles, wanting to eat all the candy, but not picking any candy because i was too overwhelmed by all of it to decide. the dumb part was, i worked there, so i could get free candy whenever i wanted, and yet i still couldn’t pick what i wanted right then.
until i verbalized this dream to some friends, i didn’t realize how parallel this is to my life right now. i feel like being 22 is so stressful! i have the world open to me. i can do just about anything, and i’m free to do whatever God wants me to be doing. i feel like i’m being tugged in so many different directions and i want all of it. i don’t want to give up any opportunity that comes my way. i want to experience it all, and somehow do everything. but i can’t. and so that in turn feels like an extreme amount of pressure to make the ‘right’ decision for right here and now.

 

today i read this:

the missionary’s great essential is remaining true to the call of God, and realizing that his one and only purpose is to disciple men and women to Jesus.

and also

Luke 10:17-20 says,

The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

 

summary: Don’t rejoice in successful service– the great secret of joy is that you have the right relationship with Me.

wow, no more, ever. October 15, 2009

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ritas gelati

ritas gelati

and so, I handed in my keys, for the very last time, at Rita’s. The weather this week has been so cold and yucky, boss just decided to close on a thursday and not wait the whole weekend. so, i have OFF friday all day, just working 7-11 at starbucks. woot! i have to figure out what i’m going to do with myself.

anyway, i would just like to document this time, and the fact that MAN, i must really be growing up. because i’m never going back to rita’s (at least to work) ever, ever again. wow. i’ll miss ya Rita’s, I really will. You were my favorite job. 6 years! I’m looking forward to the tip money this year, hoping its a nice chunk of change. I usually donate most of it, because it feels like a “christmas bonus” or something. and idk, it feels good at least once a year to do something nice with my money. depending on how much it is will determine who gets what, but i’ve got quite a few friends who are missionaries/campus ministry staff and some people going on missions. there is plenty to give to. We shall see how the Lawd has me use it.(there is a slight twinge of wanting a new digital camera instead. thats so terrible! especially when I’m going to have loans on me pretty soon. but man, a nice canon or nikon, its just calling my name..)

I pray my new job gives me just as much satisfaction, and is just as fun, in new and different ways, as Rita’s.  By next week, I will be an official barista.

wow, no more Rita’s. wow.

got no way of knowing October 11, 2009

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randomly listened to an ashley parker angel song today. and the lyrics are super lame. he’s really terrible i don’t know why i liked him. i guess i was just obsessed with Otown back in the day. but anyway, this song can be my new anthem.

Got no way of knowing exactly where I’m going,
But I feel so alive.
Everything is changing, life is rearranging,
But I feel so alive

listen to the song here:

Today was incredibly overwhelming. October 10, 2009

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Today was incredibly overwhelming.
i cried a couple times. you know thats bad then, huh. they just threw me on the register. and well, i hate messing up, i hate being wrong, i hate feeling stupid, i hate letting customers down, and doing things wrong, and being flustered. i mean, i can take it for a little while. but like THE WHOLE DAY! i was really about to cry AT the register but that would have been a little ridiculous. i’m a tough cookie, i’m sure other people would have just given up. i was pretty close to it. i don’t think it was a very smart way of training me. but whatever. maybe i just need to study more.
it really put me in a bad mood. and i think they could tell. i guess i started to feel a little “abused”. i mean, i know i’m new, so i know that i’m going to be the one to clean, and sweep and take out garbage. i know that. but somehow after the overwhelming stuff, i didn’t want to be helpful anymore. i’ll get over it.

i’m thinking i might want to start seeing a counselor or something. i can’t expect my friends to listen to me all the time. plus i feel like i don’t see/talk to anyone on a regular enough basis, where its not boat-loads of catching up and explaining things. its just too much. i hate the fact that i’m surrounded by amazing people who care about me, and i still feel so alone. i dont understand why i feel that way. i have so many decisions and things going on in my life, and i can’t seem to find a good way to deal with it. i mean, i haven’t been dealing with it in a bad way, just no way at all.

Jesus, i need you so much right now. i need you to help me see things through a lens of gratefulness, of blessings, and contentment. I need to feel your presence and your direction. I need your strong hand to uphold me. Will you remove the confusion? Will you end the waiting? I don’t want the situations to change, I want my attitude about them to change. well, actually i want the situations to change too, but i know that’s not the best way to pray.

heck, i’ve been stressed out about finding a good time to bring my car in to the shop for an oil change. maybe this week is just, a good test for me.

and i don’t even get my sunday off. i just really need ONE day to just recoup. i guess i had opporunities to rest during the week, but chose to fill them up, with things and people, because it helps me not think. but then it all snowballs and i become a wreck. who knows. i don’t know how to pace myself, to handle myself. i need help.

this is what growing up is.

this week’s Office October 10, 2009

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this week’s episode of the Office was, well, gross. Grosser than usual. I mean, it was Jim and Pam’s wedding! and it was filled up with all sorts of nasty stuff. I’m glad I watched it by myself because i’m pretty sure that would have been awfully awkward to watch with people.

oh well! that was that.