jump to navigation

sleeping in past our alarm November 19, 2010

Posted by highofseventyfive in theology.
Tags: , , , ,
add a comment

more thoughts on 1 Corinthians 1:18-31

notes from a Mark Driscoll sermon. ya know, listening to this man is really, easy. Not like, basics, but like, pleasing to follow. I LIKE listening to an hour of him talk. It makes sense. Its a bit funny and a bit edgy, but its the Bible. I related alot to this sermon and it gave me some more good perspectives on the whole weak and lowly theology that i’m trying to wrap my brain/heart around.

 

If you’re thinking about being a Christian there’s a lot of people going, “Man, that’s just crazy.” Once you become a Christian there’s even a little pressure to not really talk about it too much, or to sort of sand the edges off it so that you don’t sound so nuts. The result is you still want to be hip and cool and respectable and not have anybody think bad of you and have everybody still think you’re smart and cool. And the Corinthian church was struggling with this same thing. They’re a young, hip, urban, cool church filled with a lot of cool people. And they were struggling between being cool and being with Christ, and they were struggling between what other people thought and what God thought.

The other he says is a theology of the cross where you say, “You know what? Jesus wasn’t hip. Jesus wasn’t cool. Jesus wasn’t rich. Jesus wasn’t powerful. Jesus was simple, humble; he got executed, he died; he suffered.” God didn’t come to us in the way that any of us would’ve expected, and God doesn’t look like the person that we all want to be. And so we’re left with a choice: do we go with the real Jesus, or the one that we really want? And so Paul starts answering all of these kinds of questions in 1 Corinthians 1:18

The Christians in Corinth are struggling to come to this place. They still want to be cool. They want to be powerful. They want to be rich. They want to be beautiful. They want to be famous. So Paul says to them in verse 26: “Brothers, think of what you were when you were called.”

What he’s saying is this: when you become a Christian God does wonderful things to fix you and change you and to mature you. The result is you feel like you’re doing better. You feel like, “You know, I’m not the same person that I used to be. Life’s going better. I’m doing better. I feel good.” But then you could get all arrogant and fool yourself and say, “Well, it’s no wonder God chose me to be on his team! I’m a first-round draft choice – look at me! I’m hot. I’m smart. I’m rich. I’m famous. I’m powerful.”

He’s saying you weren’t. You were jack squat nobody – that’s who you were. You were nobody. You were just a regular common person. Now, when God does something the question is should we get really proud about that, or should we maintain humility? Because here’s the problem – the problem is always this: that sometimes Christians – because they think they’re on the winning team, right? “Our God beat Satan. We’re going to Heaven. We’re the winners.” They think that makes them a winner.

There’s a lot of Christians that are losers. They just happen to be on the winning team, but they themselves are not personally brilliant. Just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean you’re smart. Just because you’re a Christian doesn’t mean you’re cool, doesn’t mean you’re hip, doesn’t mean you’re beautiful, doesn’t mean you’re insightful. It just means you’re loved by God, that’s all. And you think back on it, right, most of us – and what he’s not saying is that all Christians are poor and dumb. Just most, right – just most.

Occasionally we get a cool person, like, “Hey, Bono’s on our team!” Like, “Great – we have one.” You know, and sometimes a rich person will love Jesus. And sometimes a hot person will love Jesus. And sometimes an insightful person will love Jesus. But like they could have a convention in a phone booth – there’s not a ton of them, right? Most of us are just driving beater cars, eating hamburgers and sleeping in past our alarm. We’re really not that profoundly impressive human beings.

And we always used to play football, me and all the other kids. We’d go out in the street because we didn’t have big yards, and we’d play football. And I was a quarterback and there was another kid who was a quarterback. And then you know how it would be: all the kids would line up and they’d all want to get picked for the team, and nobody wanted to get picked when? Last – never want to get picked last.

Well, the same kid was always picked last. This kid – he came from a troubled home. He only had two pair of pants, and even though he was like ten years old he’d wet them all the time. So his mom wouldn’t let him change his pants, so he always smelled like urine. Always wore a dirty white T-shirt – he only had a couple. I mean it’s a sad story. The kid one day was playing with a lighter in the house. Lit himself on fire and his mom was afraid he’d burn the house down, so she kicked him out. I mean the kid ended up in the hospital with burns all over his body.
I mean the kid really had some significant troubles in his life. He was underprivileged. He just had a hard time. And he always wanted to play football with us, but man, he was not the kid you’d pick for your team, because you would never throw the ball to him and then he would yell at you. And if you threw it to him it would always hit him in the face, and then he’d really yell at you for hitting him in the face with a ball. And then you’d try to tell him, “Look, when I throw it to you catch it. Don’t let it hit you. Or open your mouth, you know. Just get it to stick to your person somehow. That’s the goal of the game.” He’d be like, “Throw it! Throw it! Throw it! What’d you do that for?”

This guy on my team is just – we’re not gonna win. So we actually never picked this guy. We’d pick both teams, and then we’d break and he’d still be standing there. Never got – and then he’d sort of just wander over and join in on one of the teams, and nobody would ever throw the ball to him. Well, there was one day I went to pick the teams and he got right up in the front of all the other kids. And he was yelling, “Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!” And I was like, “Oh man!” I’m trying not to make eye contact with him, so I’m looking over here and I’m looking at the ground and I’m looking over here trying not to make eye contact.

And I finally decided I’m gonna pick him. I’m gonna pick him first. So I said, “Okay, I’ll take so-and-so,” and I picked him. And he just was so happy he almost wet himself. The kid was just freaking out, he was so happy. And so he was first-round draft choice, and the whole day was spent me throwing the ball and it bouncing off his head. But what Paul is saying is that when God picks his team this is kind of what it’s like for him, and we’re the kid that smells like urine.

And isn’t it weird that if that – let’s say that day the team that I was quarterbacking – I don’t know – if that team won. Wouldn’t it be unbelievable if this kid was running around saying, “I crushed you! I defeated you! I’m better than you! I’m a first-round draft choice!” Wouldn’t Terrell Owens and all the other kids in the neighborhood – wouldn’t that seem peculiar? Like that kid – reality is in the distant mirror for this kid, you know? “He really thinks that he’s a winner. He really thinks that he won. He really thinks that he’s the best.”

And the truth is that when God looks down in human history to pick his team, as it were – to elect and predesinate, choose, call, all these words – he’s looking down going, “You know, there’s really not any first-round draft choices here. And I know oo, you have a blog, whoo, and oo, look at you, you have a job, and oo, and look at you! Your person, your shoes totally match – wow!” God is not impressed with us. Now, we’re impressed with ourselves, and there’s some other people maybe we’re a little impressed with them. But God’s not impressed.

Paul says look back at where you were when God chose you and the work that God has done since then. And then he goes on to talk about this a little further in verse 29 – “so that no one may boast before him.” See, when we’re boasting God hears that, and isn’t it a sick thing to boast in the presence of God? “God, look what I did! Look at who I am!” God’s like, “Wait a second. If you’re smart, it’s because I gave you that mind. If you’re hot, it’s because I gave you that body. If you’re loved, it’s because I gave you those people. If you’re employed, it’s because I gave you that job.”

over-sized desire for things that are good November 9, 2010

Posted by highofseventyfive in documenting life, theology.
Tags: , , , , ,
add a comment

Sin is an over-sized desire for things that are good, not a small desire for bad things.

Something Cathy said at our staff meeting a few weeks ago was this: “Just because you hold it as a value, doesn’t mean its good. We need to develop kingdom values, and if the two are aligned, throw it out.”

I was thinking about my value of competency. I find it so important (for me and in other people) to be responsible, right, be a good leader, be prepared, willing to adapt, learn quickly. To be competent would mean saying you are going to do something, and then doing it. Or it means doing things efficiently or quickly. Don’t be so slow. Don’t ask so many questions. Be independent. It means if you were given a task you could do it. I LOVE when people trust me to do something.

I’m not exaclty sure why value this as much as I do. But I do. I’m not sure if I embody this value but i think I try to. Consequently, because I value competency so much, the opposite is nearly nauseating. An unorganized, unlcear, slow, irresponsible, flaky person is so repulsive. I fume inside sometimes. I get frustrated and I have no patience.

Just because competency is a value doesn’t mean its a kingdom value.

I’ve been led to a terrible despise of being behind the eight ball, switching things at the last minute, filling in and changing plans. While looking for consistency, follow-through, yes be your yes; the less I’ve found it, and the more fed up I get. I try so hard not mess up. and there are people I let down, yes. But I try very hard to live up to my own standards. I am very hard on myself. It’s difficult for me to take a compliment. And because I am so critical hard on myself, I am hard on and critical of others. When someone lets me down, I have a hard time with it. My high regard for competency leaves me with a low reserve of grace. Grace is yet a concept I grasp outside of Jesus’ gift to us. In fact, I don’t even expect it from other people toward me when I mess up. I expect punishment, or condemnation, or consequence. When I am given grace when I mess up I am moved to tears.

Why hasn’t God given me more resource in the grace department yet?

I am so hard on myself, repulsed when I am let down or held up by others, and so I’m not able to have grace. To be honest, I don’t remember the last time I let God compliment me.

I am judgmental, critical, unloving, unconcerned. Jesus, will you forgive me? I want to repent of my sinful way. How Lord, can you sanctify this value?  I don’t believe I am supposed to discard valuing competency, just somehow adjust my view of it in light of the kingdom.

So, when people let you down, you just, let them? I have yet to figure this out. Don’t I have the right to be upset? Recently someone let me down, and really, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. It really, really wasn’t. But I took out the balled-up frustration of it always happening, on her. Part of me wants to say all the reasons and things I can think of as to why its unacceptable. But that stems from wanting to hurt her. I feel like I should say all those things, so she feels bad, so she “gets it”.  So there is punishment and condemnation and consequence for her actions.

That is not grace.

That is revenge, and it is evil. I can’t make the feeling go away though. And this is the feeling I come back to time and time again. The little incident is still REALLY little, but it opened my eyes to a much larger issue. If I make someone feel really bad about their stupidness, I’ll feel better. Except, I’ll feel worse.

Because,

26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” .– 1 Corinthians 1:26-31

You will use the nobody’s, the outcasts. I see whats wrong with shooting after excellence, but I’m not totally sure I understand why it can’t be okay to want consistency and responsibility.

Does it remove room for error, or room for the Spirit to move? Does trying to be good at something remove a chance for You to prove yourself, God?

Values:

to consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance. to regard or esteem highly

the ideals, customs, institutions, etc., of a society toward which the people of the group have an affective regard. These values may be positive, as cleanliness, freedom, or education, or negative, as cruelty, crime, or blasphemy.

any object or quality desirable as a means or as an end in itself.

Values are things that feel important to me, define my fundamental character, supply meaning to my life and work; influence my decisions, compels me to take stand, and provides an atmosphere in which I am most productive. Knowing my core values brings clarity to choices and resolutions to conflict.

God wants to influence the values that I hold.

22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. 1 Corinthians 9:22

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.- 2 Corinthians 3:4-6

since you are demanding proof that Christ is speaking through me. He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. 4 For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God’s power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God’s power we will live with him in our dealing with you.- 2 Corinthians 13:3-4

Seriously I have no idea to reconcile these. God uses the weak, those not of noble birth, those who are not influential, those are who are lowly and despised. I don’t SEE this around me. I’m not sure I see this with spiritual eyes either. How is God glorified in people that the world looks down on and ignores? Like, practically speaking. It doesn’t make any sense! Maybe this is the part of being “counter-cultural” that is going to come harder.

Any insight welcome, I am seeking Jesus alot on this.

your grace is: enough? March 12, 2009

Posted by highofseventyfive in documenting life, profound thoughts.
Tags: , , , , , ,
add a comment

today was an awesome day. here’s what i did:
woke up–my morning got thrown off a bit because deb came home at like 7 am and took a shower when i was going to, but w/e i still made it out the door on time.
went to laura’s and did funnel stuff.
went to work. staff meeting, and labeling issues of Connections. got to talk with the girl who works in the office with me who in seminary at Princeton. She’s not as amazing as I’d hoped. you know how when you meet another christian its like YAY! wow! sister! it didn’t feel like that. so who knows.
after work, i met jess cheng downstairs on the 2nd floor where she was doing her homework, and we went to small world coffee and chatted for a while.
then i drove to Rider and Caroline swiped me in and i ate dinner with everyone. After dinner we wanted to play basketball but they would have charged me $5 to get in. weird, right? so then jen and i ran around the indoor track twice cause she had alot of energy.
then large group! i really love meeting people. and catching up with all the rider people. i met zach, he’s really cool. and amanda, and amanda, and… kendall. and a girl cassy who came for the first time that night! she went to my high school! it was crazy, kinda, cause she came up to me and was like, are you a garf? haha and i knew what she meant. lol. it was cool. i don’t know what her faith is like, but everyone was excited to see her there and i noticed a few people going over to meet her, which is good. i love the rider peeps. they excite me.

the ridiculous thing about today was this: chris loesser spoke at large group, which i think i knew already but i wasn’t sure, i just wanted to go hang out with rider. but whats crazy is that he got up in the front and the first slide said, “Loving Yourself” or something. and i was like *slap hand to forehead * what the heck! and so what i did, was i sat on the edge of my seat, eyes focused. i was going to soak in every word he said. because i still have no idea what this is supposed to look like. and he compared the way God loves us, the way we love other people, and then how we love ourselves. and we looked at the “love your neighbor as yourself” and a blue like jazz passage, and then we looked at the parable of the lost son. and what stuck out to me was this:
The son went away and couldn’t even eat the pig slop where he was working. he was so low. so he came back to his father. but here’s what he planned to say: “I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called our son make me like one of your hired men.”
that stuck out to me because i never noticed it before. he was not going to go back and expect to be front and center. he was willing to be put low. and his father, comes running and gives him robes and jewelry and puts a feast together.
i used to identify heavily with the other brother, who pouts about because it wasn’t fair, here he was being very good and following the rules, and the brother comes back and gets a celebration. but tonight i identified with this feeling of unworthiness.
but GRACE is that Jesus would take us back AND give us the lamborghini.

GRACE, to me, is this: unmerited favor. We didn’t deserve to live and to be with God, but he came to earth to die and rise for us. That is grace. We are forgiven. Every mistake we make and thing we do wrong, doesn’t matter after all because the blood of Jesus covers us. God “forgets” our sins.

We are supposed to have this grace for other people, and for ourselves. this is where it stops. once the last song started at large group, i went and sat at the back of the room. i journaled and journaled about how i have NO IDEA how to love myself the way God does. I really just don’t. and i was practically beating myself up over the fact that i don’t know how to not beat myself up. its a little crazy. i wanted to pray with someone but i didn’t. i just sat there.

on the ride home i put a couple pieces together. when i totally screwed stuff up from the slt meeting and everything, i was a wreck. but nystrom, when we talked on the phone, said that she forgave me. just like that. she said she wasn’t mad. and i just bawled. and–(we don’t check our mail often) on wednesday i got a letter from laura in the mail saying that she wasn’t mad at me either and again i cried. i felt SO LOVED. and so baffled, to be quite honest. What i did deserved people to be mad at me, to be upset, to be concerned to want to throw a fit, or a least hold a little grudge. and here people were like, just telling me they loved me. i almost wanted to reject it. because i didn’t deserve it. i was baffled also because, well yeah i couldn’t see how they could be like that. and i think that is because i never would have been like that myself.
and i realized tonight as i was driving home that even if i don’t know how to have grace with myself, i need to have grace with others. and perhaps the reason i can’t have grace for others is because i don’t have it for myself. and i want to be that loving, i want to be someone who will no matter what, say, “hey, its okay, i love you”. i wish that THAT would be the first thought on my heart, every day. and while i can’t fathom doing that for myself, i think a first step would be to have it with others. its going to take alot of work. OR– alot of GRACE. i’ll need to spend more time with God, and more time in the Word, to have the perspective that God does. I think i’ve been stuck in my own mindset for so long that I can’t see it outside my scope of what i see. i have to learn somehow, this grace thing. and here i am feeling like an awful person for not having grace with other people, or with myself. and the fact that i need to WORK ON IT seems ironic and daunting. and awful.
i feel like i’m constantly striving. and striving for GRACE seems backwards. what do i do just sit there? i mean, i can pray, sure. i guess i’ll just have to pray and pray and pray and pray for grace.

cause for real, i still don’t get it. i don’t understand it. i understand that my debt is forgiven, that grace i get. its fabulous, off the hook ridiculous. but the day to day, uh uhh, no way. i don’t get it. and it frustrates the heck out of me.

all around good day. God definitely trying to speak to me.

oh something else. all of this God stuff has been on my mind so much lately. i feel overwhelmed. i have not gotten hardly ANY of my work done, because every night i get back to my room and my bed and all i want to do is process and read and figure it all out so it goes away. this discomfort that i say i enjoy so much, well, i only enjoy it because it brings me a sense of urgency. which is SO impractical. Gosh. Like I love Jesus so much, but how am I supposed to be responsible and get all my work done? that frustrates me alot. its tough.
friday is going to be overload work day, somehow i’ve gotta get it all done. and i’ll probably beat myself up if i don’t get it all done. haha. well, not funny.

good night.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.